I wish I could teleport
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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