just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
