then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
