SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Bring me that man meat
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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