he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
