I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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