Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Found your dick twin last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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