ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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