i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
