Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
