Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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