I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
