no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
