That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i drank out of a bidet.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
