just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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