I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
