Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
