I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
