I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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