Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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