I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
