How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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