So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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