So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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