I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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