I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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