so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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