Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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