I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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