In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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