Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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