so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
