the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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