So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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