redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you never un-have a 4some
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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