i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
