ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
