Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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