Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
