I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
