Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
