He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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