Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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