I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
