chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
