Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
