Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
