I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize