I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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