Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
