So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
