ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
