if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
