That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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