took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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