it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
