Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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