I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
