oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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