I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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