the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
