I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
