please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
