My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
