I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
