i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have already put on my inside pants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
