Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
