woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
