can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
