Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
