We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
