For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
