I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I faked an abortion last night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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