Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
