I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
