im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
