I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
