Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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