so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
