R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
