I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
