i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
