So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
