just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
