you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize