i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
