Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
