he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
