Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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