we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
