even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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