I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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