Sponge bath it is.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
as a side note pls kill me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
