i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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