yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
