The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
