Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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